I’m Too Sexy For My Car, Oh Yeah!

Female car reviewers are a rare breed. There are so few of us that when we show up to drive an exotic car or a super-charged something or other, sometimes we are the only woman on the raceway. And you can imagine how my neighbors react when they see one fantastic car after another parked in my driveway. I imagine them whispering, “She must be a drug dealer!” No matter, I’m a stylin’ gal, and I love my job.

By Petrina Gentile

What An Aphrodisiac!

Here’s my dilemma with dating. I drive cars for a living — about 70 brand new cars a year ranging from cheap and cheerful Fiats to fast and furious Lamborghinis. And when I show up on a first date my car reveals more about me than I think, according to experts. Deep down I know it’s true. I see it in their eyes instantly. When a guy catches a glimpse of my ride, especially if it’s a $100,000+ Jaguar everything changes in a split second. His eyes light up and I know there will never be a second date.

Dress The Part

“Cars mean prestige and impressing people” says sassy sex therapist Sue McGarvie, who reveals I’m taking the wrong approach. I should be embracing my expensive car, even if it’s a loaner. “If I was showing up with a $100,000 Jaguar I’d be super feminine. I would play that juxtaposition. You’re going to drive them all nuts. You come out looking over-the-top feminine – lace and pastels. This is the time to put on the false eyelashes, the nails and the seams running down the back of your leg. It’s about being really powerful, but sweet and feminine. Guys don’t know what to do with that – they’d be completely fascinated.”

Now, the same holds true if you drive a chick car like a Smart Fortwo or a Fiat 500C. “If you’re in a really girlie, pink car wear black leather. That’s the thing that makes you unforgettable,” says McGarvie.

Is Bigger Better?

A woman at the wheel of a big truck is a turn-on for guys. “Guys are immediately thinking they can put a blow up mattress in the back,” muses McGarvie. “Men think about sex every 6 minutes, so they’re immediately thinking this is a make-out car. This is the car to go down to the lake and fool around in – this is paradise by the dashboard lights!”

Girls also dig guys who drive trucks. “There’s a lot of women that think pick up trucks are sexy. The guys who drive trucks are pretty confident in themselves. They are very down to earth and practical,” says McGarvie. Still she prefers a guy who has the confidence to drive an eco car instead. “I remember the sexiest guy in a car. When the Sens were playing the Anaheim Ducks and Scott Niedermayer, the captain, a good Canadian boy, drove the Prius. All the other guys were in Lamborghinis trying to show off their testosterone and he was so comfortable in his skin that he could drive a green car. What a cool guy! How cool was that? That was way sexier than any other guy in a sports car,” confesses McGarvie.

Is That A Ferrari In Your Garage, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

There’s nothing wrong with guys who drive exotic cars like Lamborghinis, Ferraris, and Maseratis, but they could be a little self absorbed, she warns. “It’s telling me you have so much disposable income. My next question is how much philanthropy do you do? Because if you’re going to spend more than $100,000 on a second or third car I hope to God you’re donating to a charity. The sexist thing would be a Porsche with a charity bumper sticker. How friggin’ sexy is that? You give to charity, but you have a Porsche, fun!”

At the opposite extreme are guys who drive 2 wheels instead of 4. “Vespas are really cool – I think women should drive them. I think guys look weenie on them unless you’re a crunchy granola guy. If you’re into crunchy granola guys who are long, sensitive poets — I always say that’s a real low period sexually – those guys don’t always know what to do — unless you’re into that and meeting him at a vegetarian vegan restaurant, I wouldn’t bother.”

We Do Love The Bad Boy

And if the two-wheeler is a Harley-Davidson, approach with caution. “It’s this idea that women like bad boys. The guy with the Harley or the muscle car – sometimes they’re fun, but I tell women be careful who you spend too much time in the backseat with because you’ll get too attached. Men are way more interested before you have sex. Women are way more interested after because they start pumping out hormones like Oxytocin. If you start bonding with the guy with the Harley or muscle car, your brain starts building attachments because once you’ve slept with him that’s what happens. Do you want to build an attachment with a guy who is kicking it right now, or do you need to find the guy with the leather interior in a BMW? That’s not to say the muscle cars and Harleys aren’t fun every now and then. But I think most women don’t do one-night stands well.”

Penolope Pitstop Was Hot

For women driving a run-of-the-mill Honda Civic, Hyundai Elantra, or Toyota Corolla you can still impress guys with your wheels, well, your skills, if you drive a stick. “I drove a three-on-the-tree. It had a shifter on the column – what a pain it was to drive, but all the guys were impressed. If she drives a stick the guys are like WOW! It’s the Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – she could shift the car. That’s impressive!”

Clean Up That Mess!

Besides keeping the exterior of your car clean, guys especially should take note of their car’s interior before picking up a date. “A car reflects who you are. So if it’s overflowing with ashtrays and your car is a disaster and smells bad, it’ll turn her off. Women don’t want to drive in a pig mobile with women’s panties or those stupid garters you get at weddings – that’s so tacky,” says McGarvie. But it’s a balance — don’t go overboard. “The guys who have a really pristine car, who say don’t you dare put any dirt in my car, those kind of guys drive me nuts. I think those guys are too foofy,” says McGarvie.

An you thought a car was just a vehicle to get you from one place to another.

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