No YOU Shut Up And Drive
Janis Hirsch illustration

Everything You Didn’t Know You Needed To Know


If you rear end a police car, don’t try the following defense: “I thought I might’ve just gotten my period and these white pants are brand new so I had to lean down to check.” Then smile and say: “False alarm!”

And on the off-chance that this does happen to you, when you go to Traffic School and they go around the room so each of you can say what you did to get you there, say: “I went 90 in a school zone.” The truth does not set you free. In this case, the truth ensures that no one will eat lunch with you.

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